The holiday season is in full swing, and so is the NHL season. Sources are telling me Santa has already started making his rounds in the league, so I thought I’d make his job a little easier and propose one gift for every NHL team.

Atlantic Division

Boston Bruins: A Blank Check

This is a season to remember for the Bruins with a historic start, an almost perfect home record, a favorite captain returning and joining the 1000-point club, a Winter Classic at Fenway…should I go on?

I almost want to give them a camera and tell them to enjoy making memories. But star winger David Pastrnak is a pending free agent, and he’s playing like the cap ceiling doesn’t exist. The only thing that could make Boston’s current run better is a pasta-shaped blank check.

Toronto Maple Leafs: A Mitch Marner Playoff Point Streak

I could not have been more here for Marner breaking the Leafs’ franchise record with his 23-game regular-season point streak. He’s such a misplaced scapegoat for a franchise just begging for a simple explanation that doesn’t exist.

I loved this for him, but we all know nothing will release him from the scapegoat stereotype like a point streak encore that extends to the second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Tampa Bay Lightning: Good Karma

Pat Maroon’s response to body shaming was one of the best feel-good moments from the beginning of the season. The good vibes continue in Tampa on and off the ice.

Buffalo Sabres: A Crystal Ball

I think we’re all in a toxic relationship with the Buffalo Sabres at this point. What are we? Where is this going? Will you please just live up to your potential? I’m sick of wondering how this will play out year after year. A crystal ball letting me know if I will be able to enjoy playoff Tage Thompson or not would really clear things up.

Florida Panthers: A Positive Goal Differential

It has been one step forward, one step back in an absolutely wacky season for the Panthers. They are losing by a lot and also winning by a lot, and as of Tuesday, their goal differential of literally zero tells an accurate story. If only they could find a way to stop losing by five goals every other day.

Detroit Red Wings: More Out of Moritz Seider

I had very high hopes for the 2022 Calder Trophy winner heading into this season, including a potential Norris Trophy. There’s still time, but Seider hasn’t had the encore sophomore season I imagined at all. He’s got two goals, 12 points and a minus-16 in 31 games and only has one point and four shots throughout Detroit’s six-game losing streak.

The sophomore slump happens to so many players that end up having amazing careers, so I’m not worried about Seider’s long-term success, but the sooner he figures it out, the better for a team that could still make the playoffs.

Montréal Canadiens: Coal

Coal…Caufield am I right, fellas? Everyone’s favorite Hab, Cole Caufield, is up for an extension.

Ottawa Senators: A Proposal

More like The Proposal (2009). Ryan Reynolds should buy this team for Christmas!