Inspirational thought of the week:
You must think on a different level, like the CIA does.
We're through the looking glass here, people.
White is black.
And black is white.
— Kevin Costner as Jim Garrison, "JFK"
Under the supervision of the reverse vampires,
they are forcing our parents to go to bed early,
In a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner!
We are through the looking glass here, people.
— Milhouse Van Houten, "The Simpsons"
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in Jeff Saturday's just-vacated wardrobe closet at ESPN, we spent last weekend crystalizing our already-strong feelings that when it comes to knowledge, we know nothing.
The Vanderbilt Commode Doors have been a mainstay of the 2022 Bottom 10, whether they were ranked or sitting on the Waiting List, the losers of 26 straight SEC games long having put the "mean" in "It Just Means More." Then they beat No. 24 Kentucky in Lexington.
It was just two weeks ago that we promoted/demoted #gobc, aka Boston College, into these standings, after four straight losses. Then they beat No. 16 NC State.
By The Time I Get To Arizona knocked off No. 12 UCLA. The Artist Formerly Known as Pur-don't upset No. 21 Ill-ugh-noise. And in Storrs, Connecticut, the team we used to call U-Can't totally U-Did, extinguishing the AP's 19th-ranked Liberty Flames to become bowl eligible for the first time in seven years.
But to be clear, this is no conspiracy theory. This is real. The Bottom 10 multiverse is legit. We know this because we walked through the looking glass. OK, we actually walked into a sliding glass door, but when we were asked, "How many fingers am I holding up?" she definitely had 12. We're sure of it.
With apologies to Dr. Steven Strange, Oliver Stone, former Alabama A&M quarterback Aqeel Glass and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 11 Bottom 10 rankings.
1. UMess (1-9)
The Minutemen lost the Pillow Fight of Week at then-No. 8 Arkansaw State 35-33 when a late rally came up just short — like, half a yard short of a 2-point conversion that could have forced overtime. It was also the second time in three weeks that we had an unexpected Bottom 10 bureau reporter on site to watch UMass lose. Now the Minutemen face an unexpected opponent in the year's most unexpected edition of the Pillow Fight of the Week. But to find out who that foe shall be, you're gonna have to keep reading and wait a minute, man.